Let Me Repeat

Do you find yourself obsessing over your experience with an NPS (Narcissist, Psychopath, Sociopath)?  Do you feel like this is unhealthy?  Do you feel like you just can’t know enough about how this whole mess works?  How you got so sucked in?

I think it CAN be unhealthy if you are thinking about it all the wrong way.  Here’s the “wrong” way to think:

• What did I do wrong?
• How could I have done better?
• Why doesn’t he/she love me?
• How can I fix this?
• How can I get him/her back?

If you’ve read anything about NPS people, you should have probably read that they don’t change.  Think of it this way- let’s say you are heterosexual.  Can you switch over?  Can you just make that change?  I couldn’t.  Matter of fact, I can’t really be anything other than what I am (but hopefully I am constantly evolving into a better me).  Here’s another example:  Can you become like them?  Can you learn to act out the cycles they do?  Idealize, Devalue, Discard?  Can you learn to enjoy it?  I’m sure on some level some of us can do this because NPS traits can rub of onto others, but I think at some point the real us is going to resurface, choking and sputtering either saddened or shocked that we’ve betrayed our own selves.  The other question is this:  Would you WANT to be like them?

They don’t want to be like US either.

And when the mask slips, that is the REAL them that they’ve tried to conceal.  I don’t think they ever feel as though they’ve betrayed themselves, either.  Rather, I think that they are disappointed that they couldn’t keep up appearances or they get so bored they are glad the game is over so they can move on to play pretend with someone else.

The real betrayal for them is the fact that they have to put the mask on in the first place.  But understand:  They have to.  What IS must be concealed to function “normally” in  society.

It’s been said that we learn best by repetition.  I think that it’s possible that the fact that we can seem a little “obsessed” with the topic of our betrayal actually ensures that we never make the same mistakes again.  That we learn to see even the smallest of red flags and learn to inventory the situation with new eyes.  It also helps us to raise the awareness of others (if they are able to hear us).

It helps (immensely) to have access to and to know our adversaries playbook.  After a while, you start to see that they almost follow a predictable pattern.  Often, you can guess their next move/strategy.  This makes them seem a little more machine-like than human and it’s good to know that perhaps they are a little bit like machines.  Destructive little bulldozers, and you can (and must) earn to step out of their path.